Book Club Questions for The Light We Carry by Michelle Obama

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Book club questions for The Light We Carry by Michelle Obama explore the themes of change, resilience, relationships, self-doubt, community, race, gender, visibility, and living with boldness.

From building enduring relationships to discovering strength in our differences, addressing self-doubt or helplessness, and navigating change and challenges, Michelle Obama shares her fresh stories, reflections, and insights on change, challenge, and power.

Drawing from her own experiences as a mother, daughter, spouse, friend, and First Lady, she offers valuable practices and principles for successfully adapting to change and overcoming obstacles.

As we reflect on our own lives, we can consider how we cultivate and maintain meaningful connections. What are the tools and habits that we rely on to build enduring relationships? How do we navigate challenges and differences within our relationships? What lessons can we learn from Michelle Obama’s experiences and apply to our own lives?

With trademark humor, candor, and compassion, she also delves into issues connected to race, gender, and visibility, encouraging readers to work through fear, find strength in community, and live with boldness.

As you read through the following book club questions for The Light We Carry, I encourage you to reflect on your own insights and interpretations, and share your thoughts during a book club discussion. So, let’s dive in and get ready for an exciting and stimulating book club discussion!

I hope you will enjoy the following book club questions and reading guide for The Light We Carry by Michelle Obama!✨

The Synopsis

There may be no tidy solutions or pithy answers to life’s big challenges, but Michelle Obama believes that we can all locate and lean on a set of tools to help us better navigate change and remain steady within flux. In The Light We Carry, she opens a frank and honest dialogue with readers, considering the questions many of us wrestle with: How do we build enduring and honest relationships? How can we discover strength and community inside our differences? What tools do we use to address feelings of self-doubt or helplessness? What do we do when it all starts to feel like too much?

Michelle Obama offers readers a series of fresh stories and insightful reflections on change, challenge, and power, including her belief that when we light up for others, we can illuminate the richness and potential of the world around us, discovering deeper truths and new pathways for progress. Drawing from her experiences as a mother, daughter, spouse, friend, and First Lady, she shares the habits and principles she has developed to successfully adapt to change and overcome various obstacles—the earned wisdom that helps her continue to “become.” She details her most valuable practices, like “starting kind,” “going high,” and assembling a “kitchen table” of trusted friends and mentors. With trademark humor, candor, and compassion, she also explores issues connected to race, gender, and visibility, encouraging readers to work through fear, find strength in community, and live with boldness.

“When we are able to recognize our own light, we become empowered to use it,” writes Michelle Obama. A rewarding blend of powerful stories and profound advice that will ignite conversation, The Light We Carry inspires readers to examine their own lives, identify their sources of gladness, and connect meaningfully in a turbulent world.

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About the Author

Michelle Obama is a trailblazing American figure known for her advocacy, leadership, and inspiration. Born on January 17, 1964, in Chicago, Illinois, Michelle LaVaughn Robinson Obama is a lawyer, author, and former First Lady of the United States. She made history as the first African American First Lady, serving from 2009 to 2017 during her husband Barack Obama’s two terms as President.

As an accomplished author, Michelle Obama has captivated readers with her compelling memoir, “Becoming.” In this deeply personal and revealing memoir, Michelle shares her journey from her humble upbringing on the South Side of Chicago to her time in the White House and beyond. Through her eloquent storytelling, Michelle inspires readers with her message of resilience, empowerment, and the importance of finding one’s voice. Her memoir has become a global phenomenon, receiving widespread critical acclaim and becoming a bestseller, serving as a beacon of hope and inspiration to readers of all backgrounds.

Michelle Obama’s impact extends beyond her written words. She is recognized as a powerful advocate for education, health, and social issues, and continues to be an influential figure in promoting diversity, equity, and inclusion. Her unwavering commitment to making a positive change in the lives of others has earned her widespread admiration and respect. Michelle Obama’s legacy as an author, leader, and trailblazer continues to inspire generations to come.

Book Club Questions for The Light We Carry

I hope you and your book club will enjoy my discussion reading guide for The Light We Carry by Michelle Obama.✨

Michelle Obama discusses the concept of “starting kind” in the book, where she emphasizes the importance of leading with kindness in our interactions with others. How do you interpret this concept, and how can you apply it in your own life, especially when facing challenges or conflicts?
In The Light We Carry, Michelle Obama shares stories about her experiences with self-doubt and navigating change. Can you relate to any of these stories? How do you handle feelings of self-doubt or uncertainty in your own life? What tools or strategies do you use to overcome them?
Mrs. Obama often emphasizes the significance of curiosity in building meaningful relationships, whether it’s friendships or romantic partnerships. Reflecting on her own experiences with her husband Barack, she realized that his sense of curiosity added a whole new light to her world. What do you think it was about Barack’s curiosity that stood out to Mrs. Obama more than other traits? Can you think of someone in your life whose sense of curiosity ignites something within you?
Can you think of a spouse, significant other, friend, or loved one who has brought brightness into your life? How have they done so? Have your perspectives on what makes a relationship fulfilling and supportive evolved over time and with experience?
Mrs. Obama writes about the importance of being prepared to work, to be humbled, and to embrace the in-between spaces in committed relationships. These spaces can sometimes oscillate between the beautiful and the horrible, and may span a single conversation or extend over years. What are some compromises you and your significant other have had to make in your relationship? How do you navigate the natural ebb and flow that comes with long-term relationships, whether they are romantic or platonic?
Let’s settle the age-old debate – where do you stand on the Great Toilet Paper Dispute of 1960? Are you on Team Over-the-Roll, like the Obamas, or Team Under-the-Roll, like the Robinsons during Mrs. Obama’s childhood? Defend your position! Have you ever had to compromise on this stance for the sake of your marriage or your relationship with a housemate? Share your experiences!
Mrs. Obama’s pearls of parental wisdom: Wake your kids up, parent the child you’ve got, and work to put yourself out of business. Which of these maxims resonates with you the most and why?
The power of home according to Mrs. Obama: Different meanings for different people. Reflect on your idea of home – whether it’s a person, a place, or a feeling. How can we build places of gladness for ourselves, others, and especially for children to always return to?
Mrs. Obama describes how gladness can be nourishing and a gift, as it can make us feel more steady on our feet and help us embody poise. Reflect on times in your life when you have experienced the gift of gladness. Who has given it to you, and who have you given it to? How did it feel to share gladness and receive it?
Mrs. Obama reveals the daily routine of her friend Ron, who starts his day by greeting himself affectionately in the bathroom mirror with a simple “Heeey, Buddy!” She acknowledges that for many people, including herself, the mirror can be a source of fear, particularly for women who are often held to higher standards in terms of grooming and style, requiring more elaborate, expensive, and time-consuming preparations before feeling comfortable heading to work or facing a new day. She emphasizes the power of starting kind, which involves redirecting any impulse to judge or self-denigrate, and instead beginning with a simple message of compassion and approval. Reflect on how you can give yourself a deliberately kind start in the morning, following Ron’s example.
The book touches upon issues of race, gender, and visibility, and Mrs. Obama encourages readers to work through fear and find strength in community. How do you think these issues impact our ability to navigate change and challenges in our lives? How can we build stronger communities that foster inclusivity and support in the face of adversity?
Mrs. Obama’s iconic words “When they go low, we go high” first echoed across the stage at the 2016 Democratic National Convention in Philadelphia. After reading The Light We Carry, has your interpretation of this mantra evolved? How do you now understand the concept of “going high” as described by Mrs. Obama, which involves pausing, being thoughtful, and responding with both heart and head to convert abstract and upsetting feelings into actionable plans?
Mrs. Obama defines “going high” as more than just a motto; it’s hard work that requires dedication, resilience, and perseverance. She draws inspiration from the words of the late civil rights leader John Lewis, who said, “Freedom is not a state; it is an act.” Similarly, democracy is not a passive state, but an active act. What are some ways we can embody the spirit of “going high” to uphold and promote democracy in our lives and communities?
Reflecting on her journey as First Lady, Mrs. Obama shares how she allowed herself to be more expressive and creative as she grew more comfortable in her role. She aimed to do serious work in a joyful way. Consider this idea in your own life. Where can you infuse joy and creativity into your work? How can you approach your tasks with a sense of purpose and playfulness, just like Mrs. Obama’s goal of doing serious work in a joyful manner?
Mrs. Obama delves into the intricate ways that abstract and common fears, such as embarrassment, rejection, or facing new situations, can wield immense influence over our choices if we fail to decipher them. She describes how the experience of jeopardy is woven into the fabric of being human, but also argues that confronting fears arising from disorder and differentness head-on can lead to understanding and overcoming them. Reflect on a time in your life when you encountered something new or intimidating that elicited fear. How did you navigate through that fear? Did your perspective on the source of your fear change after facing it?
Reflect on the concept of the “power of small” as described by Mrs. Obama, drawing from her experience of using knitting to calm her anxious mind during the early months of the pandemic. Share any activities or strategies you use to manage anxiety and how they have impacted your self-discovery process.
Mrs. Obama discusses the impact of mental health on pursuing ambitious dreams, citing examples of young people who struggle with maintaining their wellness while striving for success. Reflect on any instances where your mental health was affected while working towards a goal, and how you prioritize rest and self-care to sustain your energy levels for both big and small goals.
Mrs. Obama references the Native American “three sisters” method of intermingling corn, beans, and squash in a vegetable patch to create a balanced approach to growing food. Consider how imbalance may manifest in your life and share any “small fixes” you use, such as taking walks, exercising, getting enough sleep, or engaging in hobbies, to restore balance during times of stress or worry.
Mrs. Obama writes about the insidious nature of doubt that originates from within, with a fearful mind that often tries to seize the steering wheel and alter our course. She describes how this fearful mind constantly rehearses catastrophe, instills fear of opportunity, and hurls rocks at our dreams. However, she has learned to accept its presence and familiarize herself with its pattern of negativity and self-criticism in order to diminish its influence over her thoughts. Reflect on what your own fearful mind has said to you. What are other ways to describe this phenomenon? Have you found effective ways to counter the interior critique and calm the inner chatter? How would you choose to address your own fearful mind?
In contrast to fleeting moments of fear in new and unfamiliar situations, Mrs. Obama also discusses the tangible and legitimate fears that affected previous generations of her family, such as her grandfather Southside’s distrust of doctors resulting in a late diagnosis of lung cancer, and her grandfather Dandy’s extreme anxiety about traveling outside of his own Chicago neighborhood. She highlights that both men were born in the Jim Crow South, and even after moving to Chicago, a racial caste system still posed real dangers if they stepped outside the confines of their own communities. Reflect on whether you recognize any lasting effects of such fears in older generations of your own family. How do these fears continue to impact your loved ones today, and have there been any changes for younger generations?
According to Mrs. Obama, progress requires creativity and imagination, and ingenuity is born of boldness. She emphasizes the importance of envisioning a better world and summoning it from the unknown, in order to create a plan to bring it to life. What is your vision for the world you hope to live in or leave for the next generation? How has your perception of what is possible to achieve changed over time, and how does it influence your actions and plans for the future?
Mrs. Obama writes about the challenges she faced during the pandemic, including the uncertainty and fear that permeated daily life. She shares how she leaned on her values and sense of community to navigate through difficult times. How did you cope with challenges during the pandemic or other difficult periods in your life? How did your values and relationships support you during those times? What lessons did you learn about resilience and perseverance?
Mrs. Obama discusses the idea of “going high” when faced with difficult situations, a phrase she famously coined during her time as First Lady. What does “going high” mean to you, and how can it be a guiding principle in your own life when dealing with challenges or conflicts?
Mrs. Obama encounters people everywhere who describe the self-consciousness that comes with feeling like they don’t belong in a particular space. She writes about the prickling awareness of being viewed as a trespasser in one’s own environment, a feeling that nearly everyone on earth experiences at some point. Reflect on a time in your life when you felt this way. How did you navigate through the situation?
Mrs. Obama shares her practices of assembling a “kitchen table” of trusted friends and mentors, and the importance of cultivating meaningful relationships. How do you build enduring and honest relationships in your own life? What qualities do you value in your close relationships, and how do they support you during times of change or uncertainty?
The Light We Carry encourages readers to examine their own lives, identify their sources of gladness, and connect meaningfully in a turbulent world. What are some sources of gladness in your life, and how do they sustain you during challenging times? How can you cultivate more meaning and purpose in your life, even when faced with difficulties?
Reflecting on the early months of the pandemic, Mrs. Obama describes how she found solace in the “power of small” by engaging in simple activities like knitting to calm her anxious mind. Have you ever experienced the “power of small” in your own life? What are some activities or strategies you use to manage anxiety and overwhelm? What insights have you gained about yourself through these small acts?
Contrasting parenting styles: Mrs. Obama’s upbringing and her approach with her own children. Reflect on the rules in your house growing up and how they have shaped your perspective. If you’re a parent, share your own basic rules and how you came up with them.
When Mrs. Obama almost quit being a mother: A revealing incident that made her apply her mother’s advice. Reflect on tailoring parenting to suit individual temperaments and adapting interactions with children. Share your experiences with siblings and how your parents approached your personalities and needs.
Mrs. Obama shares a letter from a young woman who aspires to achieve big dreams but struggles with mental health challenges that sometimes hinder her drive. Mrs. Obama emphasizes the importance of prioritizing wellness and making time for rest and repair. Have you ever encountered challenges with your mental health while pursuing a goal, even one you were deeply passionate about? How do you prioritize self-care and rest in order to sustain your energy while working towards your goals, whether big or small?
Mrs. Obama shares insights on the power of storytelling and how it can help us connect with others on a deeper level. How has storytelling influenced your life, and how do you use it to navigate change or challenge? What stories or experiences have shaped your worldview and helped you grow as a person?
The book discusses the concept of empowerment and recognizing our own light. What does empowerment mean to you, and how can you use your own light to make a positive impact in the world around you? How can you encourage others to recognize and harness their own light?
Mrs. Obama speaks candidly about her own struggles and flaws in the book. How does her honesty about her imperfections and vulnerabilities resonate with you? How do you view vulnerability and authenticity in the face of challenges, and how can they contribute to personal growth and resilience?
The Light We Carry addresses the idea of living with boldness and embracing change. How do you view change in your own life? What fears or obstacles do you associate with change, and how can you approach it with courage and boldness, as Mrs. Obama encourages in the book?
Reflect on the impact of visibility in shaping our understanding of contentious social issues, such as systemic racism, slavery, and LGBTQ+ lives, drawing from Mrs. Obama’s statement: “It’s hard to dream about what’s not visible.” Consider what you have learned about history outside of formal education, and why some stories are intentionally ignored or erased. What could be achieved by including diverse perspectives and whose stories deserve to be told?
Complete the sentence: “When I am seen, I feel ______.”

Selected Reviews for The Light We Carry

“Reaffirming . . . What makes the book special is that it builds on parts of Becoming, and [Michelle] Obama serves as mentor and guide.”—The Washington Post

“A heartening pep talk from the former first lady.”—Kirkus Reviews

“Miraculously, these self-help bromides don’t come across as cloying, mainly because Obama is so disarmingly honest about her fears, failures and all-too-human flaws. . . . You can’t argue with the hard-fought wisdom of such an accomplished woman.”—The Guardian

“Obama’s road map for uncertain times resonates in ways that other self-help books do not. . . . Through her stories, experiences and thoughts, we’re finding the light with her.”—The New York Times

Additional Recommendations

Hope you enjoyed my book club discussion questions and reading guide for The Light We Carry by Michelle Obama!

Here are some more of my book club recommendations:

Finding Me by Viola Davis

In my book, you will meet a little girl named Viola who ran from her past until she made a life-changing decision to stop running forever.

This is my story, from a crumbling apartment in Central Falls, Rhode Island, to the stage in New York City, and beyond. This is the path I took to finding my purpose but also my voice in a world that didn’t always see me.

As I wrote Finding Me, my eyes were open to the truth of how our stories are often not given close examination. We are forced to reinvent them to fit into a crazy, competitive, judgmental world. So I wrote this for anyone running through life untethered, desperate and clawing their way through murky memories, trying to get to some form of self-love. For anyone who needs reminding that a life worth living can only be born from radical honesty and the courage to shed facades and be . . . you.

Finding Me is a deep reflection, a promise, and a love letter of sorts to self. My hope is that my story will inspire you to light up your own life with creative expression and rediscover who you were before the world put a label on you.

Spare by Prince Harry

It was one of the most searing images of the twentieth century: two young boys, two princes, walking behind their mother’s coffin as the world watched in sorrow—and horror. As Princess Diana was laid to rest, billions wondered what Prince William and Prince Harry must be thinking and feeling—and how their lives would play out from that point on.

For Harry, this is that story at last.

Before losing his mother, twelve-year-old Prince Harry was known as the carefree one, the happy-go-lucky Spare to the more serious Heir. Grief changed everything. He struggled at school, struggled with anger, with loneliness—and, because he blamed the press for his mother’s death, he struggled to accept life in the spotlight.

At twenty-one, he joined the British Army. The discipline gave him structure, and two combat tours made him a hero at home. But he soon felt more lost than ever, suffering from post-traumatic stress and prone to crippling panic attacks. Above all, he couldn’t find true love.

Then he met Meghan. The world was swept away by the couple’s cinematic romance and rejoiced in their fairy-tale wedding. But from the beginning, Harry and Meghan were preyed upon by the press, subjected to waves of abuse, racism, and lies. Watching his wife suffer, their safety and mental health at risk, Harry saw no other way to prevent the tragedy of history repeating itself but to flee his mother country. Over the centuries, leaving the Royal Family was an act few had dared. The last to try, in fact, had been his mother. . . .

For the first time, Prince Harry tells his own story, chronicling his journey with raw, unflinching honesty. A landmark publication, Spare is full of insight, revelation, self-examination, and hard-won wisdom about the eternal power of love over grief.

A Promised Land by Barack Obama

In the stirring, highly anticipated first volume of his presidential memoirs, Barack Obama tells the story of his improbable odyssey from young man searching for his identity to leader of the free world, describing in strikingly personal detail both his political education and the landmark moments of the first term of his historic presidency—a time of dramatic transformation and turmoil.

Obama takes readers on a compelling journey from his earliest political aspirations to the pivotal Iowa caucus victory that demonstrated the power of grassroots activism to the watershed night of November 4, 2008, when he was elected 44th president of the United States, becoming the first African American to hold the nation’s highest office.

Reflecting on the presidency, he offers a unique and thoughtful exploration of both the awesome reach and the limits of presidential power, as well as singular insights into the dynamics of U.S. partisan politics and international diplomacy. Obama brings readers inside the Oval Office and the White House Situation Room, and to Moscow, Cairo, Beijing, and points beyond. We are privy to his thoughts as he assembles his cabinet, wrestles with a global financial crisis, takes the measure of Vladimir Putin, overcomes seemingly insurmountable odds to secure passage of the Affordable Care Act, clashes with generals about U.S. strategy in Afghanistan, tackles Wall Street reform, responds to the devastating Deepwater Horizon blowout, and authorizes Operation Neptune’s Spear, which leads to the death of Osama bin Laden.

A Promised Land is extraordinarily intimate and introspective—the story of one man’s bet with history, the faith of a community organizer tested on the world stage. Obama is candid about the balancing act of running for office as a Black American, bearing the expectations of a generation buoyed by messages of “hope and change,” and meeting the moral challenges of high-stakes decision-making. He is frank about the forces that opposed him at home and abroad, open about how living in the White House affected his wife and daughters, and unafraid to reveal self-doubt and disappointment. Yet he never wavers from his belief that inside the great, ongoing American experiment, progress is always possible.

This beautifully written and powerful book captures Barack Obama’s conviction that democracy is not a gift from on high but something founded on empathy and common understanding and built together, day by day.

Thank you for reading my book club discussion questions and as always, happy reading! ❤️